Adoption
Adoption is a big decision. It is exciting and scary, and complicated and beautiful, all at the same time. There are a lot of reasons people think about adopting a child. It could be the desire to have a family amidst fertility issues or lack of a spouse. Maybe it’s that you are filled with nurturing love and feel called to love the children who need a home. Whatever reason, the decision to adopt comes with a lot of questions and concerns. My hope is that this article will be a starting point for some of you who have entertained the idea of adoption. I hope some of your questions will be answered and you will have resources where you can get more information on the process.
Adoption vs. Foster to adopt
There are basically two different avenues you can take when adopting a child; private adoption or fostering to adopt. There are several differences between private and foster adoption. In a private adoption the birth parent voluntarily places their child for adoption directly with the family of their choice. Foster adoption is when the Department of Social Services takes custody of a child and the birth parents do not have a say on where the child is placed in the foster system.
The differences between the two adoption methods do not end there. Most newborn babies are adopted through private adoption whereas in a foster adoption, children are often two years of age or older.
The process of a private adoption can take up to a year to be matched with a birth mother. After the match, the hopeful parents pay for legal fees, the birth mother expenses during pregnancy, travel for the birth, and other services. Private adoption can cost between $25,000-$50,000 (don’t stop reading, there are ways to help cover these expenses). While private adoption is significantly more expensive than foster adoption, the process for independent, private adoption is generally quicker and easier because the birth mother is voluntarily relinquishing her parental rights to the adoptive parents.
With private adoption, it is up to the birth mother’s discretion if there will be any degree of contact with the child after the adoption is finalized.
Foster adoption is different in that the birth parents are given the opportunity to make the necessary changes to regain custody of their child. In a foster situation, the goal is to reunite the child with their parents. For this reason, most children who are adopted through the foster system are often older. Foster adoption occurs when a family with a foster child moves to adopt the child permanently. Because the birth parents may work to regain custody of their child, this type of adoption can take anywhere from 1-5 years. In a foster adoption, birth parents rarely have contact with the child, however every case is different.
Foster adoption cost less than private adoption and may even be funded by the state for the most part. A home study or adoption preparation classes are often encouraged and may be one of the few expenses with this type of adoption.
The Process.
Once you have decided to grow your family through adoption there is a process that must take place.
First you must find an adoption professional. There are national and local adoption agencies, adoption attorneys, adoption law centers, and adoption facilitators that can all help you adopt a child.
Research different agencies because they may provide different services and at different costs. The cheapest agency may not be the best fit. Although cost is an incredible factor, this was part of the decision to adopt. Accept that there is going to be considerable cost and understand that there are ways to help fund the cost. Agencies that cost more often assist in every aspect of the adoption so that no step is missed in the process. It is good to have an agency with years of experience. They will know the laws and be able to recommend home study agencies and law professionals to make the process less stressful and shorter.
Once you have found the adoption professional to help you on your journey, you must follow their requirements to become an “Active Waiting Family”. This may mean that you need to have background checks, a home study, fill out questionnaires that help match you with a birth mother and build an adoption profile that is text, photos, and video all about your family which allows the birth mother to imagine the life her child will have as a part of your family.
Laws
The laws for adoption vary by state. To learn more about state laws on adoption, such as how long the birth mother has to change her mind after giving consent to adopt, visit the website Adoptive Families and look for “adoption laws by state” under the adoption menu (or go to this link: https://www.adoptivefamilies.com/adoption-laws-by-state/). Most states require you to use an adoption lawyer from that state (which is a good thing because they know the laws) and that the adoptive parents stay in the state for a certain amount of time before taking the child home.
Cost
Private adoption is costly and although a child is priceless you can’t ignore the price tag. Some couples may have the financial ability to fund their adoption, but for those that don’t there are ways to help cover the costs.
Check with your employer. Some companies have funds for employees wishing to adopt!
Adoption Grants.
Loans. Some couples choose to take out a loan to help pay for the adoption process and then pay it back with the Adoption Tax Credit. If this is your plan, make sure you know how much the credit is for and that you qualify before taking out a loan.
Crowd Funding.
This is a great option to give a lot of people, friends, family, and strangers alike, the opportunity to help you build your family. A lot of people have a heart for adoption but cannot pursue the process themselves.
73.5 million people in the US are considering adoption at any moment. Cost is the number one reason families choose not to start the process.
Adopt Together
After the paperwork is filled out and the deposit paid, the wait begins. This is when the agency shows your profile to birth mothers. Once you are matched with a mother, a relationship is formed. With private adoption, the birth mother is able to have contact with their child if they choose. Adoptive parents are encouraged to have an open relationship with the birth mother.
It is up to the adoptive parents on how much of the maternity costs they will help cover for the birth mom. This money is put in a fund, set up by the agency which allocates it for costs associated with the baby.
Once the baby is born, adoptive parents must travel to the state in which the baby is born and wait there until they are released to go home. This time can vary. Your agency should be able to help you know how to prepare for this time away from home with a newborn.
According to Adopt Together, 73.5 million people in the US are considering adoption at any moment. Cost is the number one reason families choose not to start the process. It is our hope that with the information, stories, and resources provided here we can take away some doubt, fear,
“We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It’s easy to say it’s not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem. Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes.” – Fred Rogers
Adoption Crowdfunding Sites
