How To Help A Friend

Have you ever had a friend who was going through something difficult and wished you knew how to help? Or maybe you were the one going through something and wish people handled it differently. Whatever the situation, here are a few ideas of how you can be there for a friend.

• Don’t judge. When someone is going through someone difficult, the last thing they need is someone telling them how things got bad or reiterating you don’t understand how this could happen. They also don’t want you to rattle off how you would handle the situation or that you understand what they are going through. Every person is different and although you may have gone through a similar situation, it is still theirs, not yours. If you approach your friend with the intent of reproaching, lecturing, analyzing, or telling them what you think they should do, they will most likely shut you out.
  
• Just listen. Often, people who are going through something difficult just need someone to listen. They need to talk about what they are going through to process it. They will have to process what they are going through before they can figure out how they are going to handle the situation. Don’t give unsolicited advice, just give a listening ear. It may not seem like much but it is what your friend needs. If they are willing to talk to you then they view you as safe. Later, they may come to you for advice, especially if you have gone through a similar experience.
  
• Love them. This may seem obvious but depending on the situation, your friend may not be feeling loved. They may feel pitied which is not what most people want. They may feel forgotten. When people go through a difficult season they can withdraw for various reasons or become depressed. They may stop inviting people over, going to their normal places, or checking in. This is not the time for you to get offended nor do they want to be excluded. It is hard to be around people you know when you are going through something difficult. People ask questions, spread rumors and your friend may feel like all eyes are on them. They may not be emotionally well enough to leave their house. If they are depressed they often don’t feel like they can get out of bed let alone out of the house. They may also feel like will bring their friends down because they are not doing well at that time. This is when you take the lead in the friendship. Continue to check on your friend. Invite them to hang out even if they continue to say “maybe next time”. Offer to go somewhere new and take a walk or have coffee. It may seem that during this time the friendship is one-sided but it is truly needed. Someday, you may need your friend to do the same for you.
  
• Ask Them. The best way to know what someone needs is to ask. I have gotten two different takes on this one. If you ask sincerely and continue to ask, your friend may tell you exactly what they need. However, a lot of times your friend may feel overwhelmed and not know what they need. In this case, do all the things on this list.
  
• Give them the gift of rest. When you are going through a hard season, you have to go through the motions of everyday life on top of going through their situation. Offer to take their kids for awhile so your friend can have a moment to themselves or to deal with necessary tasks. Make them dinner so they don’t have to think or worry about it. I love items that are frozen, can be frozen easily, or gift cards for take out, since you never know their current food situation. If your friend is overwhelmed or depressed, their homes may reflect those feelings. Do their dishes or sweep the floor. In fact, turn on music and tackle the chores together!
  
• Encourage them. Lastly, never stop encouraging your friend. Tell them you love them are there for them. Be their cheerleader when they need one. If you can’t check in personally, send them a card in the mail to break up text messaging. Direct them to counseling to help them work through their experience. Invite them to join you in healthy habits that will help them be more positive through this season.

If your friend is struggling with depression, I found this article from Healthline helpful. It had a lot of ways to help a friend going through depression… seriously check it out.